There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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