you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
where does the pee come out of this thing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
