well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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