dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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