My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
