I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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