my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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