My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
