I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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