I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
