My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
as a side note pls kill me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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