Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
