If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
