Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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