I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
