I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry about my life...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
