quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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