did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
