My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
