she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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