I just saw a hot homeless man
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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