how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
