somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
