im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
