So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
