having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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