No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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