yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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