if i can run in heels then i can drive
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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