Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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