In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
