peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you had me at cake vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
