Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
