Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i came on her dog
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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