I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
