you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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