The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
