I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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