just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
