Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
