I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
