I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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