how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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