fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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