Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
