i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
