do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
