I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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