so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Randomize
