he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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