Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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