I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
