Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
