remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
