hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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