How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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