there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize