I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize