I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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