if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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