pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
