ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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