I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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