i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
