non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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