I am puke
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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