omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
