Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
