Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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