Sponge bath it is.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
