I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
