Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize