Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
