maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
